I'm so sad, can't even use my all cap key ....

 We had a loss this weekend - a very sad loss - which had me crying or 3 days ... which sounds totally silly NOW, but at the time was totally acceptable and expected.

My dog Luna had to be put down.

She hasn't been feeling well for a while ... she had the runs pretty bad in September - called the vet, she said to put her on a "bland diet" and take her off her dog food .... that worked, for a bit.

When she started having bloodB appear in her poo we got really concerned - doc said chances were it was from pushing so hard, but to bring her in.

She put Luna on a brand new foor for her - she was back to eating 2X a day, just like a puppy - but it was a prescript food (which we didn't find out about until after we had to order a refill).

Way more expensive than beef .... we ordered from Chewie online, saved a bundle. Went from about $16/lb to around $8/lb from Chewie ... that is a huge savings

Well, the bag we ordered came and she was doing so much better - I started reintroducing her old food a half cup at a time, until she was completely back on - that lasted all of  3 days, then her tummy issues started again ... so back on the bland diet and now we had a near full bag of food which was totally unfeedable whic appered to upset her stomach.

We, ah hell, she chose this food because she liked the taste - Lamb and rice just didn't sit on her stomach well, and doggie beef just didn't taste right to her - you should have seen the looks we got!

But when she got on an Adult Dog Food - who knew she was going to need it so early - ner night accidents STOPPED ... it was like a miracle, at least to us ... the doctor had mentioned pills before, it was a fight we didn't want ... but it got her kick off the bed at night while my husband went out of town on the weekends to help care for his dad ....

It was sad kicking her out of bed - but she slept on his side, and he wouldn't have appreciated the smell, stain, or wetness on his side ... and even a pee-pad was no guarrentee that she was going to go there ... she shifted a lot while she slept.

But now - gone - no more accidents, but we kept the pee pads on the floor where she seemed to sleep most often -- but wouldn't you know it, she wouldn't sleep on them very often.

So now she was on a NON-adult formula food ... but it was much gentler on her stomach ... but hubby also started having a few issues (inherited stuff) so he seemed to understand .... 

Dr. said to give her a probiotic - also from Chewie, so much cheaper - and things flioped nearly in an instant.

So now we have a nearly full bag of already opened food ... adult food ... which we have to either give it to our oldest daughter for her dog, he's an adopted dog and they think he's like 7 yrs old ... or our oldest son who's dog is already on meds to slow his crackhead down - this dog is like 4 yrs old and is still a puppy at heart - maybe it will slow him down.

We had just gotten this bag before the tummy issues started, so who knows ...

But she was doing so much better ... she was her old self again ... instead of getting 4 cups a day (2 in the morning, 2 at night) which fattened her up something fierce - we got her down to 3 cups once a day, which she seemed to do better with ... she'd eat it gone, wag her tail and play like a normal healthy dog.

We thought she was getting better .... hubby ordered a new bag of prescript food for her before he and my youngest daughter headed back to town ... 

Then after they left, I feed Luna .... and she looked at it and walked away.  She looked Depressed, something I haven't seen in many years in her - she used to do this when my husband first started coming up to take care of his parents about 9 years ago or so .... you know, sad ... ears down, tail not wagging .... it usually lasted only a few moments, maybe an hour at most .... but this was differnet.

I tried giving her a chip, she turned away .... not like her but she was sad - her "girl" had left ...

During the night, I noticed I was missing one of the mice my daughter had crocheted - she gave me two as a gift - so I was looking under the bed on my husband's side when I found her laying over there, peacefully. but just laying.

I crawled over her and she didn't want to move - I petted her head and said she was okay and gave her a hug.

Then we went to sleep.  Didn't think another thought about it.

Saturday morning - I woke up, wiched my daughter "good sales" for the day, and my son came in to get the dog for her morning "constitution" or walkies.

Normally, she would do what we call Doggie Yoga (stretch front & back) and then shake and go, well this time she didn't.  Son had to go over and wake her up, and then coach her into moving.

I asked if she wa ok, he thought she was just really tired - well she was 11 yrs old, oldest dog we ever owned - so he went to work, and I didn't think much more about it.

I went potty and saw she still hadn't eaten her food - extremely unusual, if she didn't eat it at night, it would normally be gone, or mostly gone, by the morning - so now I was starting to get a tad worried.

But - when at 9am I tried offering her another chip, and she just sniffed it, then walked away - I knew something was up.

I told her to "Speak" - which normally she fussed over (very unladylike, but to get a treat she'd do it) and she didn't even try.

I slipped my fingers into her mouth, just along the gums and when I got to the one side, she squeaked a little bit, but not a cry, not a yip, just a squeak.

I called the vet - her regular vet.  They had an appointment in an hour - we are 2 hours away .... ONE WAY .... and hubby would have to drive up here to get her ... she suggested taking her to an Emergency Hospital for animals ... Blue Pearl - gotta mention them here.

But I called a more local vet - even though I knew they had already closed for the weekend - and they had a vet tech on call .... I explained that I didn't know if this was an emergency but my dog wouldn't open her mouth.

They said not to force it open (I suppose I could have hurt her more, but I wasn't gonna even try) ... but the gal talked me through what was going on.  She said there were lots of reasons why a dog might not open their mouth but none of them were very good.

Remember, I've been missing that little mouse ... I wish she had been holding it, but alas no.

So I called hubby - told him everything and he headed up.

2 hours later, he came in and got the address for Blue Pearl vets ... explained everything while he used the facilities .... son came home from working (morning shift) and told hubby septic needed pumping, hubby called it in while using potty ... then ... well, let's stick to the dog ...

She looked at her - she had gotten up when he came in and just stood there the entire time he was in the potty ... didn't move an inch.  He petted her head, she didn't even wag her tail - extremely odd.

he put the leash on her and she would NOT move an inch.

My youngest son (nearly 30 yrs now) picked her up very gently holding her in his arms while taking her to the car ... me weeping quietly all the time ... I knew if it was bad, she was not coming back up.una 

On his way down, he decided - rightly so - to pick up my youngest daughter.  

You see - Luna had very quickly turned into my daughter's therapy dog ... Luna was a natural at it - when she sensed my daughter beginning to go int a panic attack, she would go over and give cuddles until it passed.  When I stayed up with my father-in-law during the summers, she would naturally become his therapy dog - sensing when he was starting to lose it and try to help him.

She was so excited when my oldest daughter had a baby - she was so gentle with it .... she would sniff his feet, maybe steal a lick when his mom wasn't looking .... and was just so gentle.   She didn't yip or cry nor bite or bark when he fussed over her, or while he was sleeping (for the most part) ... but she'd watch him, offer just enough support for when he was learning to walk, and she helped clean the floor after he got done eating supper.

She was the definition of "good dog" .... she ws the best.

Hubby got her into the hospital ansd they took her back, it was not good .... horribly not good.

She had a mass which ruptured on her spleen.  Hubby had no choice - either have her put to sleep, or have her in pain and on drugs until the day she passed away, doctor figured it would be less than a month - it must have been really bad.

So, he had to make the choice - without me there, but he know I'd understand - he and daughter got to say goodbye.  My youngest son got to say goodbye when he put her in the car ... I didn't get the chance - but I was holding out hope.

It hit hard ... I cried for 2 days ... by Monday, I was sad but knew she was in a better place ... and I found my missing crochet mouse. 

You never realize how big a part a dog is in your life until they arn't any longer .... they leave an empty space ... they leave a hole ... a chasm ...

Hubby says "No More Dogs" ... well, I'm allergic to cats - I am practically confined to the bedroom because it's the only place I can block off from my In-law's cat - which we inherited when my sister-in-law refused to take him (diffenet story) ... but ... I'm gonna guess, we will get another dog at some point, but ....

Not right now ...

She was a Good Dog ... I MISS YOU, LUNA